Unconditional Love

Spiritual inspiration can come at all sorts of different places. It came for me yesterday during AUMC's annual charge conference. Reverend Gary Brooks said something that will be very memorable for me. "My prayer every day was 'please let me be the father and man that my son thinks I am.'" Wow... what a challenge. Many of you know I have a two and a half year old daughter. She is the apple of my eye... my princess. And yes, I posted a picture of her next to this article because I like to brag. I would give anything for her safety and well-being. I had a cursory understanding of unconditional love when I accepted Christ as my savior, a greater understanding when I married my wife... but that understanding became near complete the day my daughter, Mercedes, was born. I would gladly lay my life down for her. Please let me be the father and man my daughter thinks I am.

Sadly, I will fail. I cringe just thinking of that day... the day when the superhero image she has of me comes crumbling to the ground. The day she will realize that I am human and frail... that I make poor decisions or don't love people like I should... that I don't honor God nearly enough or value the well being of the church all the time. The sad reality is our parents are not perfect beings. They let us down. They can hurt us. Some of us have very sad stories of hurt and disappointment in relation to our parents. I hope and pray that my daughter and I will have a long, happy, and joyful relationship... that we'll never be estranged.

This leads me to our Father's heart. He will never fail us. What a comforting thought. We can rely on the fact that our Father cherishes us and keeps us. He desires the best for us and gives us the things we need to excel. I love how Jesus illustrates this thought so eloquently in Matthew 7:9-11 "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?" It is easy to doubt God's goodness when bad things happen. However, it is more appropriate to look to him for trust and comfort when those times come.

What To Do When I Feel Emo - Psalm 42

So yesterday's sermon really spoke to me. I don't consider myself a depressed individual. I'm usually pretty happy go lucky. It's no secret that the last couple of years have been a huge challenge and struggle for myself and my family. I think it's natural when burdened with changes in career, home, financial difficulties, etc to become depressed, anxious, or frustrated. Looking back on these last couple of years, I don't think there was a time in my life when I have struggled more with depression... Again, not a depressed person, but certainly more depressed than ever before.

So yesterday's sermon really spoke to me. It was entitled, "Spiritual Discouragement and Depression - Psalm 42" I won't preach, I'll just cut right to the essential thoughts.

When a Christian feels Emo:

1) Ask God "Why"?

a. When you love someone and things are not going like you feel they should, it's ok to ask that person why. It's the same for God. If He is truly in control and the lover of our souls... surely He should be ok with us coming to Him in our frustration asking why. We may not get the answer (or a answer) we like... but it's ok to ask why.

2) Affirm God's Sovereign Love

a. Yes this is a very Calvanistic approach to God's character. However, don't debate with the "God's Sovereignty versus Human Responsibility" stuff and just focus on the fact that God must have some foreknowledge and control of what goes on with His creation. If He didn't, then He'd be a terrible God (not God at all logically). When we don't understand... sometimes the most important step is to realize that God has our best intentions at heart... and we should trust.

3) Sing!

a. Have you ever noticed that we tend to sing, hum, whistle, etc. when we're happy? But we're quiet and brood when we're down? Remember God's love and sing... it will help lift your countenance.

4) Preach to Your Own Soul

a. Think about the truths you have discovered in your fellowship or own time of study. Remember God's divine attributes and audibly remind yourself of those truths. Admit it. You talk to yourself. So it really shouldn't be a stretch to preach to yourself.

5) Remember Past Experience

a. Remind yourself of when God blessed you or answered a prayer... or when you felt close to God's heart.

6) Thirst for God and Pursue Him

a. When we're down, sometimes it's easy to wrap ourselves up into a cocoon. Rather than lock ourselves away from God, pursue Him harder!! Chase after Him. James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." Of course don't forget the rest of the verse that says purify your hearts... but the point of the verse is our determination to chase God, to thirst for Him, draw near to Him, and not stop until we have captured Him. Scripture promises that this kind of devotion pleases Him and He will pursue us back. The Creator of the universe... the Almighty One... the One Who has the capacity to heal our hearts will pursue you! If that doesn't give one hope... I'm not sure what will.. personally it gives me the chills.

~matt

Mental YouTube

In honor of #sappytuesday, I thought it would be appropriate to write this little blog entry.

As a new parent, one is always looking for that great and lasting memory. You know, that moment you'll hang onto the rest of your life. When your little one is all grown up and going off to college, you can look at her in the eye and say, "I remember when..." Trust me, I've made some very special memories with my little one. Sadie (@mercedesburr on twitter) constantly brings me smiles and joy. She's the apple of my eye! But last night was incredibly special. It brought tears to this softies eyes!

One of the perks of my job is the opportunity to spend a lot of time at home with my family. I now have the chance to be there for my family and not be completely exhausted when I am there. Just two months ago, Sadie wouldn't let me put her to bed... she only wanted Mama. This, of course, caused great anxiety for me... I want to do everything with her! I want her to trust me and want to be with me! I want her to respond, "yes daddy! read to me!" Slowly but surely, she is starting to understand that I am home... and I'm here to pour love onto her! It's been such a joy to see her open up more and more to me. Now we spend evenings without mama.. and she doesn't cry for mama at all. We have nights where we do supper, go for walks, play in the park, share snack and Little Einsteins, have a warm bath, and then special reading time right before bed. I assure you, my heart is so full!

Last night's reading time was simply amazing. It will forever be a YouTube video in my mind. One I can replay over and over again. We just got done reading... and as I like to do before I sing to her and put her in her bed, I asked what she did that day. Sadie really enjoys talking... if you ask her, she will fire up a great conversation. She said, "played Simon Says with mama!" (she didn't btw but that's ok.. she can imagine she did if she wants to) I was like, "awww how fun!! Simon says eat your cheerios!" (she was munching on cheerios) Quickly she took a little cheerio out of her bowl and started munching on it like a little rabbit. Then her eyes brightened and she said, "Simon Says give my daddy a big hug!" And she gave me the biggest tightest hug ever! Oh gosh.... daddy's heart was full... I still tear up thinking about it.

Pure unadulterated love. An innocent heart that doesn't know stress, pain, lies, greed, selfishness, or pride... her heart is clean. She knows that she has parents who love her, she has her favorite toys... and her life is perfect... I never want her to grow up and find that this world is hard. She doesn't deserve it! She deserves to have a perfect loved filled life. She is so precious to me.

Being a spiritual man, I had to think about my relationship with my Creator. Throughout scripture, God is referred to as Father. This brings conflicting emotions because some have had great fathers, many have not. But the problem is, we look at God as a Father through the eyes of someone who has been tainted by the severity and awfulness of this world... we don't look at Him through the eyes of the innocent. We need to take a lesson from Sadie... clear our hearts of the crap around us... from our failures and frustrations... from the disappointments and heart break.. and look at God through eyes of innocence... Maybe then we will long to hug Him. We'll want to express our souls intimate and natural love for our Creator.

~Matt

Refreshed, Renewed, Refined

Would you be willing to give up something temporal to create peace in your home? If you're not married, this might be a difficult concept to understand. However, when faced with the decision to let something go, something I find important, to work on communication and peace with my spouse, it really was an easy choice!

Lessons I learned:

1) The sad reality of twitter is that most of it is really really meaningless. 95% of those I follow and follow me are not really friendships... it's more like stalking. Why do I follow people in Texas? Or New York City? Especially when they tweet nothing that has anything to do with the subjects I'm passionate about? Why do I follow people who tweet about issues that I disagree with so much, I can't even carry on healthy debate? It really makes no sense...

2) I really don't need to know what's going on in everyone's lives. Before my sabbatical, I checked the public timeline nearly every 15 minutes if possible... I didn't want to miss that "cool tweet" or "funny post" or whatever.... but guess what? This week, other than the deputy shooting, I really don't feel like I've missed out on anything. And for those relationships that really do mean something on twitter? I'm sure I'll get caught up really quickly.

3) The feelings of those closest to me far outweigh the feelings of those that have a cursory relationship to me. I think (though this might be delusional) that some tweeps were offended(?) that I just dropped off the map without so much as a "see ya later". I suppose it was kind of rude. However, choosing to show sacrifice and honor to the one I'm suppose to make completely happy is a bit more important. For that, this has been a good week.

4) "If you give an inch they will take a mile". This isn't always true. I have had some council this week to "take a stand" "don't give in" "if you give this one little thing up...." Sometimes we need to trust the heart and of the one that's important to us. My hope was, by sacrificially giving something up, good constructive and open communication would occur. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. Long and good talks ensued over this week. With deficiencies on both sides being identified.

With all of this learned, I would say that twitter sabbatical was a raging success. More trust has been formed, priorities have been straightened, and relationships have been strengthened. Not to say everything is perfect. Of course it's not, but it's better. And that was the goal.

So I am happy to be rejoining the twitter community with some important boundries:

1) When I am with my family, I won't be on twitter at all. Therefore, during the evenings and the majority of the weekend, I'm not going to be around.

2) If you don't live in Wichita or around, and you don't tweet about the things I'm passionate about (music, comics, bakugan, spirituality, etc.) I'm not going to follow you, nothing personal... Also if I am currently following you and you don't meet this criteria, I will be unfollowing you, again, nothing personal.

3) I will be staying away from long drawn out conversations. Of course I will reply... but answering that reply with this one... than another.. than another... come on? Is twitter really the best modem for this kind of communication? nah... save it for the next tweetup.

4) I will be limiting my tweets. I first saw twitter as a place to post what was really interesting or important. Somehow it became the place to tweet about the mundane. So I'll tweet about the things I'm passionate about... but not about "I'm driving to Newton." Does anyone even care if I'm going to Newton?? uh doubtful.

When it's all said and done, it's good to be back... and many of you, I truly did miss!

~Matt

What Happens When Something Becomes An Obsession?

I have a feeling I'll be typing this blog entry into the great internet cloud and no one will really even notice or care. But really, isn't that the point of a blog? Isn't it more for self maintenance than anything?

I have had a topsy turvy weekend. Relationships that are worth working on tend to be that way. Have you ever taken something that's so so innocent and it becomes an obsession? Unfortunately, this has been a recurring theme in my adult life. Trust me there are specific reasons for this issue to pop up in my life and they are being addressed. But those root issues aren't the point of this post and really need to be kept private.

My most recent obsession? Twitter... A huge hammer fell this weekend and it had to be addressed. I will be taking a sabbatical from twitter. 2 weeks? 4? forever? Who knows... all I know is that the love and attention that should be reserved for the one I love has been going to others on twitter. There is nothing intricately wrong with this wonderful social networking device. In fact, I have found some very meaningful friends on twitter. Friendships I am convinced will continue and will thrive even while I'm off the network (good sign of true friendship btw). However, checking my timeline incessantly, being more excited to tweet events in my life then sharing those with my family, and like I said earlier giving my love and attention to others before the one closest to me, have made this a glaring issue for me.

So for those of you who care, I'll see you around. Might even pop into a tweetup from now and again... but on the timeline? You won't see my ugly mug for a while.

What have I learned? Invest in the relationships that are closest to you first... then friendships and cursory relationships later. Discover priorities and hit them hard. Life will be more peaceful when this is accomplished.

A Secret Isn't A Secret If Everyone Knows

Hello my friends. Some of you by now may have heard, so it's time for a public announcement.

Saturday, August 29th with be my last day as Lead Manager of Mead's Corner.

Over this last year I have loved working for and with First United Methodist Church and their extreme vision of opening a community based and friendly coffee shop in the heart of downtown. Mead's Corner has become a very special place for me. I look inside and out and see countless hours of hard work and dedication to a cause that, in my opinion, is unique, amazing, and awe inspiring. I have loved my time here, the people I have worked with, the equipment that I've fixed (snicker), and the walls that I have painted. But God really gets the glory for this special little coffeeshop. He's opened doors for it to be a reality.

Starting September 1, I will be the Church Administrator for Andover United Methodist Church. This is a position that I am very excited about! I will be tasked with supervising the church staff, programming, coordinating events, and serving the pastoral staff there. It is a position full of detailed management, servant work, and ministry (things that pull my heart strings!). This position will also allow me to care for my family, and give me more time to be at home. Don't worry! I'll still be a faithful tweep! Just in a different capacity!

As for the transition from Mead's? It is peaceful and full of love. I have no ill will toward FUMC and Mead's. This transition has been perfect in timing and smooth. I will allow FUMC to discuss my replacement at their timing. I have great respect and admiration for Mead's. I want to encourage all of you (spiritual or not) to support Mead's. Their vision for change in our community and world is sound... I know I'll be spending plenty of time there... just as a private customer instead of as an employee.

Thanks for the opportunity to serve all of you as a Barista and a friend. It'll be exciting to serve you all purely as a friend now.

~matt

All We Need

“Cuz we have all we need in You. All we need is You.” – Charlie Hall

Fact, I’ve sung and played this song countless times. When I was worship leader at Ridgway Community Church this particular song was the “closing song” for every service for months… Fact, the act of playing this song for about 30 weeks straight ruined the song for me… Fact, we sang this song yesterday in church… Fact, the deep truth of this song inspired me to think about God and His divinity and His role in my life.

All we need is God is a true statement. Let me explain. I’m speaking logically here, I won’t spend time throwing meaningless pulled out of context Scripture verses. Also shed your preconceived notions of Christianity and God for a moment. Ponder the thought that God exists. That there is a divine Being who has created the universe, who hold the keys of life and death in His hand, that as the Creator has Divine Sovereignty over His creation… but also is perfect in love, peace, understanding, mercy, justice, and grace. Now if He has all the power and resources in the universe at His command and He loves His creation unconditionally and desires to supply His creation with everything they need then the statement “All we need is God” must be true.

But herein lies the problem… is this truth statement an unattainable truth? God has given us everything we need really to latch onto this truth, but we’re fallen, imperfect beings bent on making a way through existence on our own. I will be successful. I will supply for my family. I will make myself happy. I will (fill in the blank). If I was God (thank God I’m not), I would be very very frustrated in mankind. Adam and Eve are the prime examples. They were innocent and placed in an environment where they had everything given to them. All they needed was God and He was present with them… yet they turned away searching for something on they’re own… we’re vagabonds… because of our condition the truth of “All We need is God” is unattainable.

But here is the awesomeness of God. He doesn’t get frustrated with us. Rather He supplies us with more! He knows we can’t make it on our own… so He goes the extra mile. Family, Church (regardless of where you go), Freedom, and Friends… these are things that help us have security and comfort in this world. God displays His Grace and Love toward us by supplying us with things that we don’t need but we do need!!

Unfortunately, these earthly things that God freely supplies to us can let us down. How many of us have been let down by our friends, family, our own freedom, and come on the church (more often than the others unfortunately)? What do we do? Throw up our hands? I can’t attain the fact that God is all I need… but the things that God gives me to help me cope with life let me down… what do I do??

We must learn to grasp for the contentment and trust in God while enjoying the things He has gifted to us… Peace ultimately is found only in God and the things He gives us are here to help us when we don’t feel in relationship with God. Peace is found in God… peace in God… train our minds. I had a blast with my friends this last weekend; felt a stir in my soul at church; fall in love with my family everyday; feel comfortable with the freedom in life God has given me… but… peace is in God.

“You (God) will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.” – Isaiah 26:3-4

Start-up and Rules

Shockingly enough this is my first ever blog... really! I mean, I've posted thoughts on MySpace, Facebook... had "blogs" during my youth pastor days.. even published and hosted my own Podcast. But I've never had a true blog. Why? Cuz I suck at writing and I've never felt like I've ever had anything interesting/important enough to write about. Certainly nothing anyone would ever be interested in reading about.

But, here we are. A blog... the only place someone can say relatively anything they want and not get in trouble. So here's the rules:

A) It's time for me to start writing and thinking about my passions. I've always been impassioned about spirituality, community service, social justice, authenticity, theology, and apologetics. Not to say all of my posts are going to be on these things. But I feel most of them will be.

B) That being said there are a couple of logical thoughts about these subjects. First of all, my thoughts are mine. I'm not perfect. I certainly don't know everything about everything. I may write something that is completely wrong... and I'll have to apologize about it later! I may write about something and oh man it's soooo hypocritical! That's ok... as I'm writing it I'll probably be banging my head with my fist wanting to change my life. Don't judge... just think.

And lastly, C) I will encourage any readers out there to comment on a post. But I will never, (unless it's to make a correction) and I mean never, respond to comments. This blog will not be used as a forum for debate or fighting. Like I said, these are my thoughts!

So with that being said... Let the games begin. I guess I'll write something whenever I'm inspired to write something!

Peace!

~matt