What To Do When I Feel Emo - Psalm 42

So yesterday's sermon really spoke to me. I don't consider myself a depressed individual. I'm usually pretty happy go lucky. It's no secret that the last couple of years have been a huge challenge and struggle for myself and my family. I think it's natural when burdened with changes in career, home, financial difficulties, etc to become depressed, anxious, or frustrated. Looking back on these last couple of years, I don't think there was a time in my life when I have struggled more with depression... Again, not a depressed person, but certainly more depressed than ever before.

So yesterday's sermon really spoke to me. It was entitled, "Spiritual Discouragement and Depression - Psalm 42" I won't preach, I'll just cut right to the essential thoughts.

When a Christian feels Emo:

1) Ask God "Why"?

a. When you love someone and things are not going like you feel they should, it's ok to ask that person why. It's the same for God. If He is truly in control and the lover of our souls... surely He should be ok with us coming to Him in our frustration asking why. We may not get the answer (or a answer) we like... but it's ok to ask why.

2) Affirm God's Sovereign Love

a. Yes this is a very Calvanistic approach to God's character. However, don't debate with the "God's Sovereignty versus Human Responsibility" stuff and just focus on the fact that God must have some foreknowledge and control of what goes on with His creation. If He didn't, then He'd be a terrible God (not God at all logically). When we don't understand... sometimes the most important step is to realize that God has our best intentions at heart... and we should trust.

3) Sing!

a. Have you ever noticed that we tend to sing, hum, whistle, etc. when we're happy? But we're quiet and brood when we're down? Remember God's love and sing... it will help lift your countenance.

4) Preach to Your Own Soul

a. Think about the truths you have discovered in your fellowship or own time of study. Remember God's divine attributes and audibly remind yourself of those truths. Admit it. You talk to yourself. So it really shouldn't be a stretch to preach to yourself.

5) Remember Past Experience

a. Remind yourself of when God blessed you or answered a prayer... or when you felt close to God's heart.

6) Thirst for God and Pursue Him

a. When we're down, sometimes it's easy to wrap ourselves up into a cocoon. Rather than lock ourselves away from God, pursue Him harder!! Chase after Him. James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." Of course don't forget the rest of the verse that says purify your hearts... but the point of the verse is our determination to chase God, to thirst for Him, draw near to Him, and not stop until we have captured Him. Scripture promises that this kind of devotion pleases Him and He will pursue us back. The Creator of the universe... the Almighty One... the One Who has the capacity to heal our hearts will pursue you! If that doesn't give one hope... I'm not sure what will.. personally it gives me the chills.

~matt

Mental YouTube

In honor of #sappytuesday, I thought it would be appropriate to write this little blog entry.

As a new parent, one is always looking for that great and lasting memory. You know, that moment you'll hang onto the rest of your life. When your little one is all grown up and going off to college, you can look at her in the eye and say, "I remember when..." Trust me, I've made some very special memories with my little one. Sadie (@mercedesburr on twitter) constantly brings me smiles and joy. She's the apple of my eye! But last night was incredibly special. It brought tears to this softies eyes!

One of the perks of my job is the opportunity to spend a lot of time at home with my family. I now have the chance to be there for my family and not be completely exhausted when I am there. Just two months ago, Sadie wouldn't let me put her to bed... she only wanted Mama. This, of course, caused great anxiety for me... I want to do everything with her! I want her to trust me and want to be with me! I want her to respond, "yes daddy! read to me!" Slowly but surely, she is starting to understand that I am home... and I'm here to pour love onto her! It's been such a joy to see her open up more and more to me. Now we spend evenings without mama.. and she doesn't cry for mama at all. We have nights where we do supper, go for walks, play in the park, share snack and Little Einsteins, have a warm bath, and then special reading time right before bed. I assure you, my heart is so full!

Last night's reading time was simply amazing. It will forever be a YouTube video in my mind. One I can replay over and over again. We just got done reading... and as I like to do before I sing to her and put her in her bed, I asked what she did that day. Sadie really enjoys talking... if you ask her, she will fire up a great conversation. She said, "played Simon Says with mama!" (she didn't btw but that's ok.. she can imagine she did if she wants to) I was like, "awww how fun!! Simon says eat your cheerios!" (she was munching on cheerios) Quickly she took a little cheerio out of her bowl and started munching on it like a little rabbit. Then her eyes brightened and she said, "Simon Says give my daddy a big hug!" And she gave me the biggest tightest hug ever! Oh gosh.... daddy's heart was full... I still tear up thinking about it.

Pure unadulterated love. An innocent heart that doesn't know stress, pain, lies, greed, selfishness, or pride... her heart is clean. She knows that she has parents who love her, she has her favorite toys... and her life is perfect... I never want her to grow up and find that this world is hard. She doesn't deserve it! She deserves to have a perfect loved filled life. She is so precious to me.

Being a spiritual man, I had to think about my relationship with my Creator. Throughout scripture, God is referred to as Father. This brings conflicting emotions because some have had great fathers, many have not. But the problem is, we look at God as a Father through the eyes of someone who has been tainted by the severity and awfulness of this world... we don't look at Him through the eyes of the innocent. We need to take a lesson from Sadie... clear our hearts of the crap around us... from our failures and frustrations... from the disappointments and heart break.. and look at God through eyes of innocence... Maybe then we will long to hug Him. We'll want to express our souls intimate and natural love for our Creator.

~Matt

Refreshed, Renewed, Refined

Would you be willing to give up something temporal to create peace in your home? If you're not married, this might be a difficult concept to understand. However, when faced with the decision to let something go, something I find important, to work on communication and peace with my spouse, it really was an easy choice!

Lessons I learned:

1) The sad reality of twitter is that most of it is really really meaningless. 95% of those I follow and follow me are not really friendships... it's more like stalking. Why do I follow people in Texas? Or New York City? Especially when they tweet nothing that has anything to do with the subjects I'm passionate about? Why do I follow people who tweet about issues that I disagree with so much, I can't even carry on healthy debate? It really makes no sense...

2) I really don't need to know what's going on in everyone's lives. Before my sabbatical, I checked the public timeline nearly every 15 minutes if possible... I didn't want to miss that "cool tweet" or "funny post" or whatever.... but guess what? This week, other than the deputy shooting, I really don't feel like I've missed out on anything. And for those relationships that really do mean something on twitter? I'm sure I'll get caught up really quickly.

3) The feelings of those closest to me far outweigh the feelings of those that have a cursory relationship to me. I think (though this might be delusional) that some tweeps were offended(?) that I just dropped off the map without so much as a "see ya later". I suppose it was kind of rude. However, choosing to show sacrifice and honor to the one I'm suppose to make completely happy is a bit more important. For that, this has been a good week.

4) "If you give an inch they will take a mile". This isn't always true. I have had some council this week to "take a stand" "don't give in" "if you give this one little thing up...." Sometimes we need to trust the heart and of the one that's important to us. My hope was, by sacrificially giving something up, good constructive and open communication would occur. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. Long and good talks ensued over this week. With deficiencies on both sides being identified.

With all of this learned, I would say that twitter sabbatical was a raging success. More trust has been formed, priorities have been straightened, and relationships have been strengthened. Not to say everything is perfect. Of course it's not, but it's better. And that was the goal.

So I am happy to be rejoining the twitter community with some important boundries:

1) When I am with my family, I won't be on twitter at all. Therefore, during the evenings and the majority of the weekend, I'm not going to be around.

2) If you don't live in Wichita or around, and you don't tweet about the things I'm passionate about (music, comics, bakugan, spirituality, etc.) I'm not going to follow you, nothing personal... Also if I am currently following you and you don't meet this criteria, I will be unfollowing you, again, nothing personal.

3) I will be staying away from long drawn out conversations. Of course I will reply... but answering that reply with this one... than another.. than another... come on? Is twitter really the best modem for this kind of communication? nah... save it for the next tweetup.

4) I will be limiting my tweets. I first saw twitter as a place to post what was really interesting or important. Somehow it became the place to tweet about the mundane. So I'll tweet about the things I'm passionate about... but not about "I'm driving to Newton." Does anyone even care if I'm going to Newton?? uh doubtful.

When it's all said and done, it's good to be back... and many of you, I truly did miss!

~Matt